Recently, I took part in a university project in which I developed the idea and wrote the script for this short film.
As part of the project, the film needs some audience feedback. So, for a short while, a link will be here at A World of Film. I would be so grateful if you could watch the film and quickly let me know what you think. This would help not only me, but other fellow filmmakers in my group.
The story of modern-day Notting Hill and it’s people. With Rodger and Alex both walking through Portobello Road, the memories of their grandfathers and the events of the 1958 race riots are being recollected.
Thank you for your help.
10 Replies to “Please Help and Comment!”
The visuals are excellent, and the script and music are good. The only criticism I would have is that the voices sound fake to me. I don’t know if they are fake but it sounds to me like young guys putting on accents and pretending to be old. It would be better if they sounded more genuine. Also, I’m sorry to be so blunt but the singer at the end is off-key. Is that deliberate? I’m trying to offer constructive criticism, I hope it helps and doesn’t just hurt. I enjoyed the film, and watched it to the end; that means you did a good job. Well done. 😀
Thank you very much. On the voice actors, they are in fact two older men, so that is very interesting you got that feeling. Maybe you felt they tried too hard to change there voice to suit the script.
On the singing at the end. We were not allowed to use copyright material. So we thought if would be a charming idea use our director and editor to write and record a song. So yes they are not musicians, but I think it gives the film a more personal feel.
Thank you so much.
It’ll be interesting to see if anyone else has the same problem with the voices. They did sound a little forced in some way to me.
The singing is indeed quite charming and personal. Maybe it would be better without the background music so it doesn’t clash? I don’t know.
I was looking forward to this, as I worked at Ladbroke Grove Ambulance Station for 21 years, so know this area very well indeed. I really enjoyed it, and liked the filming in the rain, the cultural references, from old stalls, to modern coffee bars, and the Banksy wall art.
Surely the others are missing the point about the voices? They are the voices of their fathers, perhaps even grandfathers, recounting the early days of immigration, racism, and troubles, that were experienced previously. Showing the two leads as friends at the end sums up nicely the new multi-racial feel of this area, where people from all over the world genuinely live and work together; and the place that was once a slum, is now one of the most popular places in London to live in.
The transition in the cultures, from racially oppressed, and racist aggressor, has gone full circle, and they have all become simply Londoners, with the same hopes and dreams.
Nice one Darrell, keep going! (Maybe lose the song though…)
Best wishes, Pete
I thought this was great , I liked every thing about it even the built up emotion that you created. It was very creative , the only thing I would say is the beginning, the panning was a little too fast and a bit shaky but as a general view I thought it was fab.
BRILLIANCE!!!..I would say audio should be mixed a little better/cleaner but I loved it…a sad then happy teardrop fell from my eyes
I think the film could use a little more contextualizing for people not so in the know about what went down over in Notting Hill. I was lost until I realized that there must have been some cross-cultural brouhaha that popped off at some point. Still, I pieced it together only in the last minute or so. It’s okay for the two narrative VOs to clue us in earlier with at least a line or two of exposition.
Also, I would cut the incident with the coffee cup. It looked staged. And the CU of the bumper reflecting the Joe Strummer mural, I’d flip it with the shot before it. Show Strummer distorted, THEN cut to the mural itself. Other than that, I liked the hypnotic quality of the film, especially once the two leads hit the streets. The audio could use some work in the beginning, the guitar strumming over the score is out of place.
This is charming and moving. Having said that, I agree with some of the previous comments. The voices are forced and it made me long for the real thing – or better actors! The first shot is too shaky, I’m afraid, and needs to be much slower and steadier; as it stands, it feels completely separate from the rest of the action. I’d cut the song unless you can find someone who can sing in tune as it’s a charming number and does add to the feel of the piece. I must confess that I would have liked fewer close-ups and more of Portobello Road in the background – this would not, I think, diminish the emotional impact. The final shot is a nice touch but doesn’t ring true because it’s a very light bump and too long a pause before the reveal. Hope this helps.
Loved the pacing of the film, the build up of tension in the movement and cuts as it built toward the climax. I watch a lot of British tv (& movies) and thought voice over was excellent. The stories told by the gentlemen I thought added complexity and was not biased, but honest. Thought the cinematography was well done with good shot selection except…Small distraction….don’t like the shot of the young man on the bench with his head back…
I thought the film really captures what you were going for and delivers wonderful message.
The bench looked staged, the coffee cup is a nice idea, but you should do it differently somehow, someone else dropping a cup or bottle? Voices were authentic. Good work.